Stirring together ingredients from the last few days, I feel a new light dawning--one I've been avoiding--about the never-ending beauty of life.
My creative insides churn with the immensity of many world and personal events, and though this input separates into curds and whey, it does not become butter or cheese. No longer an active teacher in a ministry with teenagers, I write, but my output stops short of nourishing myself or others. I have been writing and reading "as if [my] life depended on it"—and it does. My life also depends on engagement in weekly and daily worship with both a Quaker meeting and a Buds of Jesus group.
Reading, writing and worshipping have been keeping me alive and on the edge of possibility in a way that seemed a luxury before retirement: tempting me to let go of control and follow new Light. What I thought of as dessert is becoming the main meal; what I bought ready-made is changing to raw materials for my own cooking, what was one endless churning may become butter, better yet, olive oil, and best, unnecessary.
Raw material #1: From this morning’s Daily Good, the words of 25-year-old in "The Spirit of Service" resonate with me. I am not involved in service right now but selfishly attending to my own needs. Mehta wrote exuberantly about experiences that caused his own enlightenment and led to his life in service. The entire reading is composed of parable after parable. These words are in the center of the lengthy essay:
You're always hunting, hunting, hunting, and it just never ends. And then there's money. People always criticize others chasing money. But you can start chasing inspiration. You can have this spiritual currency. Oh, well, I want to be in this state. I want to feel this way. I want to feel this. I want to have this and that. And it's all the same thing. Right? You're just hunting.
How many people ever say, "I have arrived. This is a moment I've been waiting for all my life," or "This is a moment that's a culmination of all my life, all my experiences and this is it. I am here."