My hardest audience was last night when I took my work, prayer, and preoccupations to my Buddies of Jesus meeting. Actually, three Friends of that support and study group came here to my work cave (see pictures HERE), which made me doubly vulnerable. Here was the first group that I have an incredible investment in as I've been meeting with them weekly for almost three years. And so I showed them my visual prayers and we read 4 chapters. All through I kept thinking, "Oh we forgot to pray" and "Oh, these are not very exciting chapters" and "I haven't given enough information" and "I've given too much detail." The reading was intense; the room was close and hot; and I couldn't tell so I kept praying my gratefulness for the group and for the leading and for the words.
I felt that if anyone could tell the emperor (me) that she has no clothes (substance) that would be someone in this group. But I couldn't tell, really couldn't. And then we didn't pray at the end. And we cancelled next week's session. And after the hugs and the Alleluia on the door step, I stood there bewildered. I felt so drained I went straight to bed.
And then I woke up to read this most wonderful message from Julian, which I am putting here to save, to contemplate and to share. Quote: "BEING in the promised land is not the thing. Knowing what it looks like AND pointing yourself toward it, heading that direction... that is the thing":
On Tue, Mar 8, 2016 at 10:25 PM, Julian Brelsford wrote:"we've got some difficult days ahead but it really doesn't matter with me now, because I've been to the mountaintop. I've looked over, and i've seen the promised land" - MLK
I enjoyed hearing a bit about your past living in a community of radical feminists. In particular, what caught my attention was the part when you said something to the effect of "we thought we were going to re-make the whole world""i may not get there with you but i want you to know, tonight, that we as a people will get to the promised land"
In my mind, where I went with that is...
BEING in the promised land is not the thing. Knowing what it looks like AND pointing yourself toward it, heading that direction... that is the thing.
Having a big picture vision is my thing (sometimes) and it's not particularly radical or great,all by itself.
But what I loved about your story today was that in my hearing of it, there was a sense of turning toward God, walking toward/with God toward the promised land...but it was the walk that was important and not the arrival. God wants us to have a good time getting there (you had a good time writing and I had a good time listening!) and without that, some imagined final destination is,well, not our paradise
Words of wisdom, dear Julian. I needed them very much and feel God in you blessing that of God in me. That of God in all of us.